Monday, August 20, 2012

do work son

Just when you think high school is over, you get a job for corporate America and realize that the drama is just as ridiculous. Actually, its probably worse--because unlike high school, people can legally drink, have no excuse for reckless/inappropriate behavior, and get paid to attend.

I haven't had a job for a little over a year now, and while  I'm nauseated thinking about sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day doing something I couldn't stand...I do miss the dynamics of all the people and the baggage they brought into work each day. 

Anytime you put people in a fixed environment for a certain amount of time, it is only inevitable for shit to get crazy. I mean, isn't the monkey cage your favorite spot at the zoo? If you think about it, you really do spend more time with your co-workers than you do your family, your significant other, your friends....These people, in some weird way or another, become a huge part of your life. Because of this, they also become a huge headache. 

While I am out of the office world, I can say that the two years that I was apart of it....I learned some valuable lessons when it came to surviving in it. Some may be based on personal experience, while others through just having a single brain cell...either way, I find them to be true and if you don't agree with me, I could care less. 

1. Do not bump uglies with your co-workers. Ok, I'm not getting into this in one in detail, but trust that not matter is a terrible idea

2. Do not do anything outside of the office that you would not do inside of it. Happy hour--a glass of wine, fine. An after hours orgy, not fine. 

3. Do not ever use the excuse "I don't feel well." The more uncomfortable your excuse is to use, the better it is to be believed. (yes, yeast infection is a good one.)

4. Do not ever forget to flush. (this actually is just human decency 101.)

5. Do not assume that sleeping with upper management leads to a corner office.

6. Do not make enemies. Obviously, personality clashes are going to happen....but go out of your way to be nice to everyone. 

7. Do not get on HR's bad side. They are your best friends, believe me. 

8. Do not bring fish for lunch. 

9. Do not be late. Work ethic, people. It's important. 

10. Do not make personal calls on your work phone

"i assume you are referring to women's troubles, and so I'll let that one slide."

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