i can't wait to become a new person

There are a few things in life I find completely repulsive.
1) children on leashes
2) people that don't wash their hands
3) self-portrait facebook albums

and

4) new years resolutions.

I applaud you for trying to turn over a new leaf....however, choosing a single day to make life changes is just not logical.


The thing about making life changes--you are either ready to make them or you are not. Personal change is not an exactly easy thing to do, and it certainty doesn't just happen when the ball drops at midnight. 

Most people overestimate their ability to control their behavior, but little do they realize, our brains are pretty much automatically wired to do and act in certain ways. Habits can be altered, but must be counteracted before they are avoided. Sorry, silly resolutions aren't the catalyst.


My favorite Resolutions

 I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT. I find this one to be more of a 365 day resolution, but that's really more of a personal problem than anything else. I'm not saying people don't actually succeed in shedding off some pounds after the holidays (let's face it, you prob got fat..)..but if people really followed this resolution, our society as a whole would be a lot thinnerrrrr. Plus, most people go out on NYE....and unless you are that freak of nature that craves lettuce while hungover, good luck sticking to this plan.


 I WANT TO WORKOUT. Great. You want to get your ass on the treadmill. You probably should. But it becomes super annoying when gyms become extremely overcrowded, weirdos come out of the woodwork, and people who actually work out on a daily basis, have to wait for a machine. Sorry, I don't pay for a gym membership to wait.



I WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY . Ok. Call mom and tell her you love her. I applaud you.

 I WANT TO QUIT SMOKING. If cold turkey works for you...amaze! But here's an idea. Go on Amazon, buy some fancy nicotine patch...and see how it goes.

 I WANT TO DRINK LESS ALCOHOL. Ok. This one makes sense. Being that drunk idiot at the bar is never cute...no matter what year it is. My suggestion is to become a premium Netflix member, cozy up by the fire, and sip that delicious Chamomile tea you have stocked in your pantry. (good luck getting laid...)

 I WANT TO GIVE TO OTHERS. Oh, how I value philanthropic people. Giving to others, which doesn't necessarily mean monetarily, is something that should be rooted in your character, not on a calendar. If you don't understand what I'm saying....start with this. Go to Salvation Army, and donate all those Juicy sweatpants outfits that were so cool back in 2005.


I WANT TO GET MORE SLEEP. Doesn't everybody? Try giving up Starbucks. I dare you.



I WANT TO BUDGET FINANCES. This is smart, and I think it's great you are aware that your credit card bill is reaching its limit....however, until I start making lotssss of money from all these ridiculous years of school....I would much rather buy a cute top to go out in Saturday night, then stuff my piggy bank with money.

Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with committing to being better, but focusing on last years failings is only going to heighten self-critiscm and re-confirm the fact that you don't have what it takes to successfully follow resolutions. Set goals, start the new years with positivity, just realize that setting yourself up for failure doesn't exactly scream happiness.


Happy New Years!

"we should do something good for mankind or the planet for a couple of hours."