call me, definitely.

.....and the blog is back. I apologize for my sabbatical. To be honest---I was just far too busy working on my tan, sleeping past noon, and getting drunk at festivals. But, like everything else in life, things get old. And I'm over it.

I wanted to address a serious issue that has really been bothering me lately.

Text messaging etiquette.

If you haven't heard of it...you are probably that jackass that rides his/her bike in the middle of the street during rush hour, or thinks its ok to park in handicapped spots. Shame on you.

Now I'm the first to say I absolutely love text messaging. I've never been a phone person, and this quick alternative couldn't be more convenient. Text messaging has made picking up the phone obsolete, saved us all from awkward conversations, and of course, has given us something to do when we are bored at the office and/or school.  Despite all the positives, I strongly believe that there are certain circumstances where NOT picking up the phone is absolutely inappropriate and rude. When these certain occasions occur, and people still believe it is in their better judgement to type out important information....it truly shows that they have left technology get not only the best of their maturity, but their character.

Here is a list of certain scenarios where I believe texting is completely inappropriate.

1. You ask a girl out for a first date. I'm sorry...chivalry is not dead, and if you do want to take her out...be a man, pick up the phone, and ask her out. No excuses. You want to text for directions, text if you are still on for later...fine. But to ask her out...call first. Huge deal-breaker.

2. You break up with somebody. Berger may have done it on a post-it note...but this is seriously just as worse. It is basically saying, "I'm disregarding your feelings, and showing you mine in 150 characters or less." Let me break it down in lay terms. "You have no class" is only 14 characters, and that is all you will ever be if you think it is kosher for you to pull that immature crap off.

3. You're backing out of a commitment. Anytime you are seriously going to screw someone over, disappoint them, or completely bypass whatever it is you and that other person had agreed upon...it is a huge slap in the face when you don't have the decency to call them up and be an honorable human-being. People actually like to hear empathy.


4. You are having an argument. Unless you're making a little jab at a roommate for not putting her cereal bowl away.... full blown heated arguments through text is just about as ineffective as putting a puppy on a "time-out" after eating your shoes or telling a baby to stop crying. Plus, you know how painful carpal tunnel is??

I guess if I sat and thought about it...the list could go on and on. But seriously, just because technology has made certain things easier to get away with....doesn't mean it is alright when it comes to managing significant relationships in our lives. Times may be a changing, but people are still the same as they have always been. If the situation feels really uncomfortable...it's probably because you owe that person the respect of a simple phone call.

"No, you're entitled to your opinion, alright? I've been the total tart here."

the real truth behind supply and demand

 When I was five, I had a pair of pink moccasin shoes. I wore those little things day in and day out..my mom would even catch me putting them on after she tucked me into bed at night. I don't know. I had a weird attachment to those shoes. One day, my mom told me we needed to get rid of them. They were worn out and probably smelled horrid. And even though my mom said she would replace them with a brand new pair....I threw the worlds biggest fit, and refused to give them up. She tried and tried...until finally she stopped talking about the shoes all together (such a smart woman, mom). It was as if I never had them, they never needed to be replaced, and she was completely oblivious to the whole situation all together. I would come downstairs for breakfast in the morning, pink shoes an all....and she said nothing. The day I realized she didn't care anymore was the day I stopped wearing the shoes.

Although I was five, it proves to be a very valuable indicator of how we are all motivated and attracted to things we have control over. People love challenges and mysteries. Effort and meaning are not interchangeable parts.

When it comes to knowing how and what we can get--- all. bets. are. off.


Why else would that guy/girl display such confidence and satisfaction texting you whatever AND whenever they please? It's because they know you will respond, and despite any other circumstance....you are thrilled to hear from them. This is an example of control. 


And on the other end, why does that same guy/girl start to take drastic measures....by texting you 45 times, showing up at your door after being told not to...and treating you really, really, really obnoxiously nice? It's because they are in a loss of control...and this kind of shit doesn't sit well with anybody.

Just ask your dignity.

So yes, as nice as it would be to be to THINK we are all just
trying to get along, and live on this even playing field...life isn't an after-school special. Not every relationship in our life has to be an actual power "struggle"...just know that it does exist, it can be reversed, and two should always play that game.

"it's not even eight-thirty, and Murray is paging me."

You're not crazy...you're stupid.

For the past two weeks (hence the lack of blog activity) I have been slowly getting....stupider. And yes, I realize that "stupider" is not a real word...but it's the only thing that seems fitting for how I feel. This all really hit me around a week ago. It started with forgetting random little things---my school pass, my computer charger... my lipgloss (i get so self-conscoious with bare lips). Then I started to misplace BIG things...my credit card, my workout card, my drivers license, my fob key...I think I called Starbucks three times last week asking what their lost-in-found sitch looked like. Not ok.

Normally, I'm an extremely organized person. I double-triple check I have everything before I leave. I orally command the curling iron off. And the oven (it actually really works). Hell, I'm even prescribed to adderoll (no, I will not sell any to you). So you would THINK this kind of shit would be completely avoidable. Well, for some reason.....even my adderoll was like "sorry not gonna help you." It's funny, all this time I thought taking those magical pills made you smart. Truth is, that is only if you are smart. If you are dumb....it just makes you really effin focused on being dumb. This is so not ok, either.

Luckily, there is an actual legit scientific explanation for all of this.. There are two key hormones in our brain that have to do with stress: adrenaline and cortisol. On an everyday basis, in order for our brains to have the ability to function properly, cortisol levels remain relatively low. However, when we are stressed, and cortisol levels elevate...it can literally freeze the brain's critical abilities. It can also have an aversive affect on learning new things, intaking information, and memory. Greaaaaaaaaat. 

Since I love happy endings, none of this crap cortisol crap is permanent (unless you are naturally dumb, and with that I can't help you) The solutions are pretty boring, but completely attainable.

1) Keep a healthy diet --plenty of fruits and veggies. Try and stay away from refined carbs. (white rice, white bread, sugary sodas, cookies...basically anything that has flavor.)

2) drink a lot of water

3) Vitamin B and Vitamin C (i love those Emergen-C packets)

4) exercise --its bikini season anyway

5) Drink one half bottle of Pino Grigio (this one may be controversial amongst the experts...but what do they know? )

"Cher's main thrill in life is a makeover, it gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos."

i am so athletica

A huge part of the reason why I love working out is I can rationalize spending $100 on Lululemon pants. I know it sounds ridic, (whatever...they do free alterations...) but it really motivates me to get my ass to the gym. Since this gym is the epitome of River North snobbery, workouts are never just about breaking a sweat.  Just like it is social suicide to join mathletes..it is just as awful to go workout WITHOUT wearing Lululemon, and not be prepared to run into that one person who you would rather not run into. The monthly fees are absolutely absurd, and because I can charge things on my membership card....I avoid looking at my bank statement on the 10th of every month.  It has gotten out of hand, and you would think food wouldn't even be associated with my workouts...but its quite the opposite. Oh, and hangover bloody mary's on Saturday morning don't help my cause, either. 

I will say this, belonging to this wonderful place has been a blessing on my social life. Because I am in school, I don't have the opportunity to socialize with co-workers all day long. I spend most my time reading textbooks or writing papers---both of which do not contain much socializing with others. So, yeah you can imagine how nice it is to be able to be apart of some type of social scene. On the contrary, I have even learned how to disengage from the social scene as well. You know, when you're in that kind of mood where the idea of small talk...."hiiiiii how are you.." makes you want to vomit? If you adamantly keep your headphones on and keep walking, it pretty much cuts any conversation down by 90%.

The summers are worth the cost alone. Every weekend, the rooftop is filled with hundreds of young Chicago hooligans. It's like spring break, sans the room service and jet-lag. Also, there isn't the same pressure to day drink. Because bathing suit season is absolutely daunting....it is great motivation to get on that stair master. Let's be honest. Working out may boost my seratonin level...but it is a pain in the ass. If I'm not given the opportunity to stare at cute boys, why on earth would I want to put myself through that torture?

If you are doing something healthy and good for yourself...who the eff cares about WHY you are doing it. Rationalizing a way to workout is way better than rationalizing the need to indulge in a big mac and fries... (woof).




Go work out! And for those days where you really can't get yourself to the gym, (a battle I face daily) I find if you dress the part....it def shows you are making some type of effort. Plus, it makes others jeal they don't even belong to a gym.

"i doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum."

The Demise of Reality TV

You know that society is in serious crisis when they put reality shows on television that glamorize incest. Just when I think Teen Mom takes the cake, I discover TLC's My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. The show portrays the over the top eccentric lives of gypsies, and follows different characters each week to emulate all that is gypsy.

So I get it. Belly dancing, nomadic lifestyle tendencies, and devotion to gold jewelry are all very culture-esque....but INCEST? This weeks episode, which coincidentally happened to be my very first (and last) viewing of this show, follows the couple of first cousins tying the knot. Between constant PDA, a high voltage wedding dress, and family members praising their unacceptable courtship---I was one step away from sending TLC hate mail and canceling my cable account.

First Cousins.

Listen, as dramatic as I may sound about this issue...I realize that I am by no means the definition of a saint. I've done less than kosher things before...but I know when to have a sit down with morality.  A faux pas is a faux pas is a faux pas. This show makes me want to hire a marriage counselor in hopes to get Jon and Kate Gosselin back together. I think I'm even beginning to looking at Sister Wives in a more respectful light.

What happend to the good ol' days, when reality shows were 30 minutes...and involved a black light or a tour bus filled with contestants? They were silly, absolutely unrealistic, but exactly what I needed without thinking...WLKJ@#$!*FJLS? Entertainment value is one thing. Throwing up in my mouth is another. 

Here is a list of my top most missed reality shows. 

Singled Out --- Ah, my favorite part of the 90's (besides The Rachel). Jenny McCarthy was smokin hot and Carmen Elektra was even hotter. This truly became the first reality dating show that wasn't squeaky clean. 

Rich Girls--Although this show only had one measly season, I became absolutely obsessed with Ally Hilfiger and her frenemy, Jaime Gleicher. As much as the Simple Life had a similar premise, it saddens me to watch Nicole Richie before she became skinny and chic. 

Newlyweds--Guilty pleasure. Jessica Simpson when I was actually jealous of her appearance. Is this chicken or tuna? Loved every minute.

Flavor of Love--Desperate tramps, clock necklaces, and pimp cups? Enough said.

True Life--some of my favorite episodes. "I'm going to Fat Camp" "I'm on Adderoll" and "I'm a Chubby Chaser."

"How much fun would it be having a brother-type following along? Josh, you are not my brother."

young love, forever love

So its like, official y'all. Miley Cyrus is engaged. And I'm officially going to vomit.

Don't get me wrong, Liam Hemsworth is an absolute hottie...and I will admit, Miley's rigorous yoga work outs are really paying off....but really? REALLY?  She is only 19 years old. When I was 19 my biggest requirements in a guy was A) if he lived in south beach and B) if he could take me to nice dinners when all my other friends had too much homework to do. (wait...do those rules still apply?)

Call me crazy, but I thought marriage was supposed to be considered a union. Two people come together, complement eachothers differences and strengths, and make it work based on their commitment and love for eachother. I'm 26 years old, and even though I swore I would be married by now....the expectation came from a little girl who knew nothing about accomplishing personal goals, and who lived life vicariously through barbie dolls and silly Disney movies. Things change, obviously....but I will say this, I always knew I would be able to legally drink at my wedding. 

Ok so despite my mockery...maybe I'm not the best person to judge. What do I really know about people and when they are ready to take the plunge? And it does kinda make sense why celebrities do so at ridiculous ages. Miley Cyrus is a 19 year old billionaire with nothing to do but spend money, lip sync obnoxious songs, and take on corny movie roles (although I really do love The Last Song)....I mean technically--she's pretty accomplished. The only problem is that developmentally she probably has the mental capacity of my pomeranian.


Miley, I do wish you the best. Young love is such a wonderful feeling, especially when it leads to marriage. Finding that person you want to really spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with is almost as important as finding the right stylist for the MTV movie awards, or the right make up artist to cover up your adolescent acne for the next issue of Seventeen Magazine. From the bottom of my heart, I hope your marriage lasts forever. And if it doesn't, I really do hope you get to keep your 3.5 carrot Neil Lane sparkler.

I guess we should all listen to Leslie. She's just being Miley.

In case you care, here is a list of some young celebrity marriages. It blows my mind how they are no longer together...oh, well, except for Hillary Duff. But she just had a baby, so that buys her at least another 2.5 years.

Macaulay Culkin...and whoever that weird looking girl is

Kate Hudson and the Black Crows guy

This one kills me. 

Avril Lavigne and her skater boi

Hillary Duff and Mike Comrie

As if! I'm only 16...and this is California, not Kentucky

karma is the new black

We are taught from a very young age to "do unto others as others would do to you." The world is still new, and we haven't experienced others letting us down, or things not going our way. We are wound-free and care-free...and the only thing that makes sense to us is to put positive and useful vibes out into the unniverse. Although this concept seems innocent and somewhat transparent...it truly has something to show for the way in which our character should be for the rest of our lives.





It  has to do with karma. The easiest way to describe karma is "you get what you give." Basically, what you do is what happens to you. If I cause you pain, I am inevitably causing pain to myself. (think about it...) The same thing goes for happiness.

The biggest misconception is that karma is directly related to our fate. Many people speak about a particular situation and make use of the notion of karma to rectify themselves to it. Karma is not an escape---it is an action. Perhaps one of the trickiest things to understand when believing in karma is the timing of it. The "re-actions" or consequences of our actions don't always show up when we would expect or want them to. Because it does not work in a linear fashion, it makes it hard to tell which action caused what result. This is what also compromises the way in which we may handle an unfortunate situation. When we are hurt, it is comforting to believe that whoever wronged us will get theirs. They will---but the point becomes moot. You can only be responsible for what you do, and if you live your life trying to make it even, or fair, you will end up miserable and with nothing to show for it. Just ask Emily Thorne. Or Amanda Clark. Or whatever.

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." -Wayne W. Dyer

"Whatever. I'm going to take that lost soul in their and make her well-dressed and popular. Her life will be greater because of me."